Sometimes I like to ponder things. Occasionally it’s something related to history or the past. Often it’s about karma. Most of the time it’s about puppies and/or otters.

But what I’ve been wondering about recently is why we are attracted to the things we are attracted to. For instance, why does Ewan McGregor make me want to do inappropriate things? And, why does this photo of Marlon Brando suddenly make me want to go to grad school for physics so that I can build a time machine and snuggle with him on that couch? Why are we enticed by certain aspects of a person but not others? Sure, sure, pheromones and hormones play a big part, but there has to be something more. 

Upon further research, I’ve discovered that a lot of what we find attractive can be traced back to our furry cavemen and women ancestors. Women often find strong men attractive because back in the Pleistocene period, they needed to find a mate who could protect them. The same goes for typically good looking men because it meant they had good genes and would therefore breed strong offspring.

The caveman theory can be used to justify a lot of the things I find myself attracted to in guys. Facial hair could mean that they have more testosterone and therefore can protect me. Ditto intelligence. Generosity means that he isn’t afraid to share the meat and fruits he has hunted and gathered, and therefore will be able to provide for me (and our cavechildren and the other members of our tribe.) Also, it shows that he is kind, which is always a plus.

But I still can’t figure out the reasoning behind the number one thing that I, as well as nearly every woman I know, find most attractive in a potential mate. What is it about a sense of humor that can make a man so damn attractive? I’ve met some pretty average looking guys who suddenly become irresistable due to their ability to make me laugh. Similarly, guys with a striking resemblance to Cillian Murphy, mixed with a pre-douchey James Franco, mixed with a young Paul Newman have turned me off due to their lackluster jokes and all-around boring demeanor. 

I’m sure back in the old days my fellow cavegirl homegirls would not have picked a cavedude who could tell knock knock jokes over one who could knock out a predator. It couldn’t possibly be that we’re attracted to funny guys because they make us happy, right? Isn’t that too simple? The only conclusion I can come to is that men who are funny also tend to be creative. And creativity must be an attractive trait because it also requires intelligence, which we already know is attractive to females.

So, that’s just what I’ve been thinking about lately. I’m still waiting to find my funny caveman, but until then I’ll just have to settle with spending my time doing this.

Hell Hath No Fury…

One of my favorite things to do is sit in a Barnes and Noble cafe reading magazines and not buying anything. What can I say, I’m just a rebel with a very exciting life. In many of the magazines I’ve read for women, the articles promise to tell you all sorts of ways to “get the guy.” With the help of a few catchy phrases, and some damn good looking male models, women are “taught” how to dress a certain way, talk about certain things, and perform certain sexual maneuvers in order to make any man fall in love with them.

Who knows if that stuff even works, but it sounds simple enough. Now, what about for guys? These men’s magazines exist, (I think) but not to the extent that they do for women. So in order to help a brother out, and fill in for the types of articles the male magazines are missing, I’ve decided to write down my number one rule for the first step to getting a woman to like you: “DO NOT STAND UP THE GIRL YOU LIKE.”

Yes folks, it is that simple. Sure, wearing a flannel shirt, having just the right amount of facial scruff, and wearing a hint of old spice will definitely increase your chances of getting the girl (or…this girl.) And of course performing certain sexual maneuvers, being chivalrous, and having awesome hobbies/goals will also increase your chances of getting with the girl of your dreams (or…this girl of your dreams.) But even if you decide you’re not really into the latest lumberjack look, or you don’t care about opening doors for women, you will at least have a chance with her if you DO NOT STAND HER UP.

Makes sense, right? Well apparently not, because if my own experience and that of many of my girlfriends is any indication, guys in New York City don’t understand this simple rule.

So fellas, pay attention because I’m about to drop some serious knowledge on you. You know how you’re always saying girls confuse you? Well, its because we’re confused ourselves. We know that there is some reason we like this guy, (perhaps its his charm, personality, or close resemblance to Ryan Gosling) but we’re confused because at the same time, he’s acting like a complete idiot. So as angry as we are, we let it slide. So if you like the girl, be straight with her. Don’t text her while she’s waiting at the movie theater (for a movie YOU constantly talked to her about and then asked her out to) telling her that you forgot your friends are in town for the weekend, and are going to have to reschedule. Because she might not ever let you know how much you hurt her feelings and even give you a second chance. She might just, oh I don’t know, write a little blog entry about it, and move right on to the next person. But someday, it will come back to you.

So please, don’t stand girls up. Because as we all know, Hell Hath No Fury like a Woman (with a blog) Scorned.