Sayonara!

If we’re friends, or maybe even if we’re just acquaintances, there are probably a number of things you know about me. You know that I don’t like bugs in any shape, color, genus, class, phylum, or whatnot. You’re also aware that I have a strange obsession with squirrels. Also, mustaches. Also, tomato soup. But you just accept these odd quirks because for some strange reason you like me, or you don’t accept them and you find joy in the fact that I will probably grow up to be some weird squirrel lady living in Washington Square Park cracking open acorns for the squirrels because I’m worried they’ll be hungry. All while talking to them as if they were my children and drinking an obscene amount of Trader Joe’s red pepper tomato soup.

But even if you don’t know those things about me, and are mildly horrified that I just shared these embarrassing facts about myself in a public forum, you will definitely know that I don’t like saying goodbye. It doesn’t matter who you are, how long we’ve known each other, or if it’s even appropriate for me to be sad, I will undoubtedly cry upon your departure.

I’m not really sure when this happened since I’ve just always been this way. I used to cry when my grandparents would leave after visiting for a week, even though I knew I would see them again a week later. And even now whenever a class ends and it’s time to say goodbye to the professor, BAM! Tears. Working at a job and it’s my last day? Doesn’t matter that I hate it a lot, I will still awkwardly cry as I’m helping my last customer.

Obviously this can be problematic.

For instance, people will usually assume that if you are crying when saying goodbye, you must like them. But sometimes I don’t like them. Hence the problems.

Also it’s a problem because I’m not a pretty crier, and it’s difficult to control how I look, which can make people uncomfortable. I would say 97% of the time, I cry because I’m sad to see the person leave. So when they see how terrifying I look, they are no longer sad to say goodbye to me. Much like sneezing, people don’t normally watch themselves cry. But being the actress (and just general weirdo that I am) I’ve seen myself cry on tape. And I can safely say from experience that it is really difficult to look good when fluids are flying out of every opening in your face. Just sayin’.

Every single time this happens I tell myself that something really needs to change. I can’t just keep alienating people everywhere I go because I can’t control myself. But it’s honestly a lot harder than you’d think! I just have so many emotions! And feelings! There just is no way to solve this problem and I will have to continue to lead a life of making people uncomfortable when we have to say goodbye. At least it’s yet another special skill I can add to my list.